What is a Negative Cognition?
A negative cognition or belief is something that a person strongly believes about themself following an experience, which often limits their ability to cope and function at an optimal level later in their life. For many people, these beliefs start at a very young age, and then individuals look for situations to confirm their perception of the belief they have. Yet often these beliefs are a distortion of the truth.
Many beliefs formed at a developmental time in someone’s life where their experience with family members or friends created some level of insecurity invoking feelings of shame within themselves. These cognitions tend to fall into 4 categories: Safety/Vulnerability, Control/Choices, Responsibility, and beliefs of Deffectiveness.
Safety and Vulnerability
Many teens struggle with the sense of feeling that they Can’t Trust themselves, Can’t Trust their Judgment, Can’t Protect Themselves, or as if It’s not OK to Feel or Show Emotions. They can also struggle with a sense of Not Trusting Others, or feeling Unseen or Heard. These beliefs cause them to perceive their friends, family members, and other acquaintances as places of threat. They believe their perception so strongly that they often make up stories about the behaviors and intentions of people in their circle. This may lead to avoidance behaviors and social anxiety that interferes with their ability to show up and be authentic in friend groups.
Control and Choices
Teens that tend to be high achievers can become overachievers trying to control everything possible about their success. The underlying beliefs may be something such as I’m Not In Control, or I’m Powerless in situations. Others might struggle with a sense of I’m a Failure if they don’t do well on a test and extrapolate this belief to all aspects of life. Some believe they can’t succeed, they’re Inadequate compared to others, and that they Can’t Get What They Want. These beliefs can wreak havoc on their ability to relax, have fun, and embrace any level of joy in their life. These are usually the ones that put a lot or pressure on themselves to be perfect and live in a constant state of anxiety and worry.
Responsibility
Some levels of high responsibility are more guilt-driven such as I Did Something Wrong, I Should Have Done Something Else, I Should’ve Known Better, etc. Yet others may carry deeper burdens related to a parent’s divorce, a parent not being in their life, or a developmentally inappropriate sense of responsibility due to a parent’s emotional or physical absence, and/or responsibility for other siblings. Any of these may lead to a stronger sense of responsibility that impacts their overall happiness. These teens may also struggle to work with others for fear that others will disappoint them and therefore They Need To Be Responsible for Everything. While this belief might seem beneficial to some as it leads to a high sense of ownership, success, and independence, the down side in later life is that these teens learn they don’t need people and can go it alone, which likely will impact future relationships.
Defectiveness
This is by far the most destructive Shame belief category. Many teens will carry this burden if they feel they are a Bad Person, Worthless, Not Loveable, Not Good Enough, Ugly, Not Deserving, Unimportant, a Disappointment, or even Different. This one usually goes back pretty far in their developmental history and often can be traced back to a time earlier than age 4. Even in the best familial situations, when parents are doing the best they can, situations occur, and parents’ own triggers can influence their behaviors. When parents provide verbal or nonverbal cues that are perceived by a young child as them Not Being Good Enough, or any of the above-mentioned beliefs…a young child begins to believe that about themselves, and then looks for this to be true in many areas of their life. These beliefs can drive anxious hustling behaviors in order to feel worthy or good enough. They can also lead to teens getting stuck in a cycle of anxiety and depression.
The Good News
Here’s the good news! Teens who are willing to address these beliefs and participate in a relational trauma modality in therapy such as EMDR or IFS are able to heal the young child wound where the belief was formulated, and then can begin to replace their negative cognitions with something more adaptive that they would rather believe. It’s a lot easier to catch teens at a younger age than waiting for them to become adults who now need to go back years into their past in order to stop these beliefs. EMDR and IFS are very effective at getting to the core of why a teen holds these beliefs. Once they can release the pain connected to this belief, they can begin to live life with more Joy and embrace Happiness.